Am I ready to go blind
So, I was talking with my mom onFriday while we were at OHSU waiting for the doctors to come in and the question got raised of am I ready to go blind. Another question that was asked was how many more things can I go through.
Question 1: Am I ready to go blind?
Answer:
NO, I am not ready to go blind. I don't know aht I would do if I was blind. I would get used to it, but not ready yet. Going blind is my biggest fear, andw with the last couple months and hwat has gone on, my fears have come around a lot. People keep telling me I need to prepare for it if the time comes, but it seems like when I try to prepare I can not focus. Does this mean that I am just not ready to accept the fact that I may go blind, or am I hoping that the longer I wait, the longer it will take to come to it. I got some info about the guide dogs... and I have looked into Braille, but it seems like when I start teaching myself braille, I just can't keep focused.
Question 2: How much more can I go through?
Answer:
I think I am about done. I have now finished my prednisone, and I do not want to go back on it. I'm tired of the weight gain.... it is driving me nuts. Also, with the stress of all the surgeries I don't want the stress anymore. It is not just stressful on me, but on Chrissy and John. I am tired of waking up and wondering if I can see when I get up. Or going into the bathroom and looking at the towel on the towel rack wondering, "is my vision the same as yesterday" I am tired of worrying. Will I ever stop worrying, probably not. I think as time goes on it will become less. I have noticed this so far already, I do not wake up looking at my hands wondering if I can see. When I start to worry, I just have to tell myself "your vision is always blurrier in the morning" or "Just let your eyes adjust" or "it is bright, let your eyes adjust since you are still dialated" One thing I am tired of is, getting my life back to "Normal" and then something else happening. I think as time goes on and my doctors apts don't show anything bad, I will start keeping my life "normal" So, how much more will I do? Not sure, my answer will come when a problem comes around.
Question 1: Am I ready to go blind?
Answer:
NO, I am not ready to go blind. I don't know aht I would do if I was blind. I would get used to it, but not ready yet. Going blind is my biggest fear, andw with the last couple months and hwat has gone on, my fears have come around a lot. People keep telling me I need to prepare for it if the time comes, but it seems like when I try to prepare I can not focus. Does this mean that I am just not ready to accept the fact that I may go blind, or am I hoping that the longer I wait, the longer it will take to come to it. I got some info about the guide dogs... and I have looked into Braille, but it seems like when I start teaching myself braille, I just can't keep focused.
Question 2: How much more can I go through?
Answer:
I think I am about done. I have now finished my prednisone, and I do not want to go back on it. I'm tired of the weight gain.... it is driving me nuts. Also, with the stress of all the surgeries I don't want the stress anymore. It is not just stressful on me, but on Chrissy and John. I am tired of waking up and wondering if I can see when I get up. Or going into the bathroom and looking at the towel on the towel rack wondering, "is my vision the same as yesterday" I am tired of worrying. Will I ever stop worrying, probably not. I think as time goes on it will become less. I have noticed this so far already, I do not wake up looking at my hands wondering if I can see. When I start to worry, I just have to tell myself "your vision is always blurrier in the morning" or "Just let your eyes adjust" or "it is bright, let your eyes adjust since you are still dialated" One thing I am tired of is, getting my life back to "Normal" and then something else happening. I think as time goes on and my doctors apts don't show anything bad, I will start keeping my life "normal" So, how much more will I do? Not sure, my answer will come when a problem comes around.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home